OCELOTE’

So im going to prom again.

at a diffrent school

some girls asked me.  And today they asked me if I was totally disgusted with them asking me becasue thats how i looked.  and i was like no but i wasn't expecting to have to go to prom again.  they didn't like that to much.  i don't think they think i want to go.  but kinda i do, i just usually say either something weird or slightly wrong.

o well

girls

Blatantly,  right, for all the prom sucking booze hounds, im twice in,  TWICE IN,  has that slipped.  OR has it like all that is accidental slipped so far,  SO FAR that this is what IT wanted.  Nike, souls,  on the bottom of my shoes,  how did i become so fortunate how how how.  we all are the same,  im just so trivial, did i say did i say,  how i forgot how this makes me work better,  two strikes,  but one erased tonight, one, one big strike, fatal strike, but your to perfect to ruin my fantasies, to perfect, mabey, with tucks and all,  SO I SHOUT: i want to start a collective
and
everyone
one
by
one
gasped
BUT about my sins, or lack there of, we drown in blogettic boardem (poetry).  MUST WE BE SO VAGUE!!!!!!!  LIFE IS IMPERSONAL BUT ARE WE NOT HUMAN (i wish there were to levels of capss) ARE WE NOT HUMAN.  but more importantly i will have to attend, a function, that, i have attended before this year,  but this one is new, and this time females, god bless um, asked, ASKED, me unable to, such cramps in my elbow, such cramps.

things to do today
1. chill
2. skate
3. finish one shirt
4. start next one
5. film for video
6. work
7. film for video

Things hindering my ability to do things
1. End of the Year Video for school (big production)
2. Spilled Ink Literary magazine (Co- Lead editor)
3. Ap tests

Ok so bear with me there are etsy goodies at the bottom this is going to be a long post becasue it might be my last for another while.  So to begin I have decided that I am absolutely horrible at arguing online, or through writing.  I am quite good at arguing in person.  Also I am terrible at expressing my emotions through speaking, but good at doing it online through writing or just plainly through writing.  That is something I will never understand.

I also will never understand how people can become so wound up in other peoples miserable, exploited, shameful, etc.  lives.  I think that the only way to solve the worlds problems is through self betterment, which i don't feel is selfish.  I think that self betterment includes charity.  And selfishness is only something humans invented, so I will deal with that invention only after the first human invention (an invention that is reinvented everyday), ourselves humans. 

I also will never understand why people will dislike or be unwarrantedly mean to other people for their beliefs and ideas.  We are all mostly products of our raising.  We can't all get along but it takes a strong intelligent person to accept that.  People that don't are no worse than terrorists.  But don't get me wrong I can be mean, and I can hate you, you just have to be mean and hate me first.  People online will never know where I'm from, but i will give you a hint.  I think it helps explain alot of peoples thoughts, their background.  I live in the mountains where the middle class (myself) are being driven out, people come here to start a family, ski, and smoke marijuana.  I can see the trailer parks from my house, here where I live there are billionaires being served by people steeped in poverty.  And not being specific one of my parents is Buddhist, the other a businessperson, we have monks stay at our house, we have a business run out of our house.

on an ocelote note.  I had a photo shoot with my friend in boulder at Colorado university last weekend.  I'm still waiting for the high res pictures (she has finals right now) so I can re list those items and start my re listing sale. (there is also a new not yet released item sneek peek)

Sorry for not posting lately

school has been rough

just letting you know im still here

bounce

So I made a cool bracelet today.  Its like a beta test bracelet.  But additionally I have tried to make some business cards, to no avail, mabey tomorrow, and I have started to work on a web site.

so heres my story to tell that I would have told last night but I had to give this guy Stan a jump with his car, which didn't work which made me get home late which among other things made me tiered.  but it was ok.  now i  can tell my story now.

This weekend I went over to my friends house, where there were some people.  Me and these three other girls are the only single ones,  like every weekend we are the only single ones.  And they all kind of talk about me, between when we talk, between when we do things, under their breath, but you can always tell when someone is talking about you.  And I think it is because we are the only single ones.  But they all kind of come at me in a not coming at me way.  And I only really like one of them, I mean there all great, but only one of them is my type.  And from there they all kind of just have to pull each other away and do what they do.  So for instace this weekend I was talking to one of them, the one I like, and I thats what I like to do, is talk, and talk, and smile at her, etc.  I don't need to get physical right away, I just communicating makes me feel human.  But the other girls pulled her away from me, and eventually I just want to leave.  or have to leave.  So, on the slight chance of reading this just stop, ok.

god that probably sounds ridiculous

but on a less ridiculous note
last night I really realized that I have a heart.  that there is a muscle pumping in my chest without my control that is keeping me alive.  It freaked me out.  hopefully I start feeling better.

so i have been thinking alot lately, which is what happens when I'm not making stuff or am busy with things i don't particularly enjoy.

and i have been at du (Denver university) for the last day where i am going to school for this year

so

i had an idea i didn't want to lose

i have been thinking alot.  I have been thinking alot about how language is the only reason i am even thinking alot.  Like would you remember with out words?  but deeper than that lately i have been thinking about if love is a by product of language.  Like would you love the person you currently love, your significant other, if you never were able to talk to each other.  If you can then love is based only around your senses.  touch, taste, smell, etc.  and not around your brains and similarities.  So if this is true I propose that instead of small talk and getting to know each other we all silently taste, smell, touch, hear, and see each other,  because then we would be being pure.  But becasue humans have so widespreadly created a society around only the sense of hearing (words and phrases that is) and its tranlsation into archivial form (through writing and sight) we arn't able to easliy find signifigant others based on other ideas such as touch and taste.  If computer networking like vox for example evolved not off the senses of hearing and sight but rather taste, can you imagine a world like that, I mean can you???  Logically it is possible but it is unimaginable, I can't belive how reliant we all are on laungague.  And i for one dislike it.  Only becasue we have the potential to utilize our other senses to equal amounts.

phew

this is missing some comas

I have been slacking on ocelote but its because im thinking of its revamp

but

i did record a new song

I wrote music and lyrics but the lyrics didn't work so I winged it over the riff i thought up.

and you can tell only once when Im drastically out of tune.

one of these days ocelote will sweep from under the rug and begin blasting through everyone

but seriously

im gonna start making some changes with ocelote in the next few months

and

on that note

this shirt is only 8.50

what was i thinking when i priced it

sorry for the plug.

one

this essay was rather ridiculous
you can see the teacher felt the same way by evidence of the note she left me, but sometimes I just get tiered of writing boring essays, and this being the most boring prompt ever, i had to simply switch things up.
Grade: 2 out of 9

two

I decided this is one of the top ten best pictures of me.  I look sad but not two sad, and my face looks very imperfect, much more imperfect than it sometimes looks, and my skin is patchy with color,  all things that I like about this picture.

I was the living dead today

literally

very strange day

new shirt for skinny/ small girls